


In a Dream, or a Nightmare

by fields_of_falafel



Series: The Misadventures of the Modern Hams [6]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 10:31:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7167524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fields_of_falafel/pseuds/fields_of_falafel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Washington's army is stationed at Valley Forge for the winter, and it's getting to be a little too much for Alex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In a Dream, or a Nightmare

Alexander Hamilton considered his life to be a series of personal hells, and this winter at Valley Forge was the latest. It was a hell soothed by John and Laf, sure, but a hell nonetheless. It was always freezing, sometimes so much so that he couldn’t feel his fingers enough to hold a pen. He hadn’t had a decent meal in at least a month, he didn’t sleep more than four hours a night and his workload was getting heavier and heavier. He loved working, but he was exhausted and he wanted nothing more than to see his significant others for more than five minutes at a time.

He didn’t blame them, of course he didn’t, there was a war going on and he knew that they had work to do. He just couldn’t help hoping for a night alone with them every once in a while. John was always off running some mission for Washington when he wasn’t with the other aides and Laf was busy whipping the army into shape with von Steuben. He missed them, he really did. Most of the time John wouldn’t get in until well after midnight, in various states of drunkenness and Laf would get in even later, since he had to sneak around and he had meetings that ran late into the night.

Alex slowly felt himself being pulled in every direction and he wasn’t fueled by it like he normally was, he was  _ exhausted _ by it. He wanted to throw his computer against the wall, he wanted to burn all the papers, he wanted his mind to just  _ shut off for one goddamn minute _ .

When Laf left the tent that morning he noticed that Alex was a little shakier than usual, but he chalked it up to the especially frosty morning and kissed him before going off to work.

John came back to their tent around ten and noticed that Alex was acting a little strange, but figured that it was because of the pile of letters on his desk.

Washington called Alex into his tent around noon, but hardly noticed that the kid was shaking so much that he could barely hold the papers he handed him.

He retreated back into his tent and started writing, and he was able to work for several hours, but he was shaking so much that he couldn’t hit the right keys. He grew frustrated with himself and slammed his laptop shut. He started pacing the room, running his hands through his hair.

He wasn’t sure how or when he ended up on the floor, but it was after sunset by the time he noticed. His head was snug firmly between his knees and his face was tear-streaked. He couldn’t think of anything, it was too much, it was too much.

“Alex?” It was Laf.

A moment later strong arms were wrapped around him and he leaned into his touch. He felt Laf wrapped around him, comforting him, and that’s all he needed.

He was crying again. He felt Laf pick him up and sent him down on their bed. And then he was gone. He reached out his hand and felt him standing above him, but he didn’t open his eyes to see.

“Yes, John?” He heard. “I need you to get back now.” A pause. “It’s Alex. Get back here as fast as you can.”

A moment later Laf was around him again and he buried his face in his chest. Laf was warm, Laf was safe.

“Alex? Alex!” John.

“Shhh.” Lafayette shushed him.

“What happened?” John sat on the edge of the bed, talking to both of them at once.

Thankfully, Laf answered for him. “I found him like this, about a half hour ago. I don’t know what happened.”

“Are you okay, baby?” John rested a hand on his shoulder. “You’re still shaking pretty bad.”

Alex couldn’t find any words.

“He seemed fine this morning.” Laf said to John, who nodded in agreement. “What happened?”

Alex curled more into Laf. He faintly heard the two talk a little more, but he couldn’t focus on their words. He felt his throat tighten. It was getting harder to breathe again.

Another weight pressed against him, surrounding him like the other. He felt snug, but not restricted. He was warm. He was safe.

Someone was whispering nice things in his ear. He slowly became more aware of his surroundings again. John, and then Laf. He shifted a little bit to get more comfortable.

“Hey baby.” John was concerned, he could tell. Alex suddenly felt bad, knowing that he probably caused John’s own anxiety to spike. 

“Feeling any better?”

Alex moved his head, but didn’t really say yes or no. In truth, he wasn’t sure.

John kissed the top of his head. “It’s going to be okay.”

“’m sorry.” He mumbled.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” John told him.

“We would do anything for you.” Laf followed.

Alex groaned.

“Baby?”

“Talk to us.”

He sat up and pulled his knees to his chest. John and Laf sat up with him. It was plain to see that both were concerned.

“Tell us what’s wrong, baby.” John pleaded.

Alex didn’t know how to tell them what he felt. He was just being selfish, and he knew it. There was a war going on and all he wanted was the two of them to be with him. He needed to be working right now, not stealing time from his boyfriends. He knew they needed to be somewhere else, he knew that  _ he _ needed to be somewhere else but he couldn’t drag himself away from them.

So, he just spilled. “It’s too much.” He began.

“What’s too much?” Laf asked.

“Everything.” He started crying again. John wrapped an arm around him and Laf held his hand while he talked. He talked about John and Laf working so much and the three of them never seeing each other and Washington giving him so much work to do and how he was exhausted and hungry and  _ cold _ .

“I’m sorry.” John pulled Alex into him and kissed his forehead, while Laf wrapped an arm around him.

“We’ll do better.”

“No, you don’t need to do anything,” he trailed off.

“We’ll work it out for you, baby.”

“I don’t want you to think-”

“No, Alexander. We can work on this together.”

“You’re working too hard, babe, and it’s going to be okay.”

“I don’t want you to change-”

“Alex.” John stared him straight in the eye. “It’s okay. We’re all not perfect, but we’re here for you.”

“We love you, and we’ll do anything for you.”

“I love you two.” Alex’s tears had slowed and he ran his hand under his eye.

John noticed thankfully that his boyfriend wasn’t shaking as hard anymore and his breathing was normal again. Laf was just content that Alex was okay.

Alex breathed deeply. “Okay, I’m okay. I should get back to work.” He moved to get up out of bed but was quickly stopped by the other two.

“No way, kid.”

“Not happening.”

“But-”

“No buts.”

“We’re going to sit in bed for the rest of the day.”

“But Washington-”

“-will want the same things from you tomorrow like he does every day.”

“But-”

“Alexander.” Laf raised an eyebrow, stopping Alexander in his tracks.

When Alex hesitated John said, “You don’t have a choice in this, babe.”

He raised his eyebrows but stopped protesting. He was too tired for that. So, he let John and Laf cuddle him and he fell peacefully asleep between them. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :D comments and kudos are always appreciated


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